FUUUUUUUCK!!

without pain we cannot feel
i am spending a long time trying to feel as much pain as possible
why?
because it reminds me that i CAN feel
even if it isnt good, which we often forget the feeling of
i have forgotten good
that feeling is beyond me
but i can vaguely remember that sweet solace
why i gave that up i still cant figure out
i need you back
though i fear i still may not be thinking straight
when am i, eh?
i hope forgiveness will ensue.




i love that feeling of total aloneness in the dark
letting the silence fill me
then breaking it
and letting everything out
the most fulfilling thing in this world

this fall is goin to be amazing as hell...

i simply cannot wait for college.
if i get in that is.
i cant wait to get away from the people i have come to know.
i need to be around new people.
im tired of knowing most of who i do now.
i want to be totally free.
not have to worry about people and their bullshit.
i want to travel and try new things.
i want to experience life, in its fullest.
i no longer long for warmth, or fear being alone.
i am used to it.
i've been abandoned by my family, arent they supposed to be here through thick and thin?
well, thats what they say.
i dont know where i am going with this, so im done for now.

HERE'S THE TRUTH

here it is, the truth, in full.


i cling to people because i am terrified of being alone.
i have loved few people and made love to fewer.
there are things that make me feel good, and the same brings me down.
i cannot feel good, without feeling bad.
i feel too much hate too feel too little love.
i bleed just like you.
yes, i feel it, but it is tolerated, because that is what i have come to know.
if you try to know me you will fail.
i enjoy sunsets more than the sunrise, but both remind me that there is a beginning and an end.
there is no such thing as a true friend, or love at first sight.
when i LOVE something, there is no changing that.
i enjoy stealing things, its a rush.
there are only three people i have ever been infatuated with, one is dead, one has a boyfriend, and the last may be a mistake.
i cannot control myself.
i have no family.
i've few friends.
i have no home.
i would rather listen to signal noise than most music.
someday soon i am going to lose it.
i've been saying that for a long time.
but that day can only get closer.
i want to know what death feels like.
oftentimes i wish to be in a car wreck.
i want to destroy something big.
tomorrow these words will remain, but i wont be the same.
i change too much.




chances are you dont care.