some more things, not to be understood.

in retaliation to the way you treated me i did one of the dumbest things imaginable.
to get back at you for yelling at me, calling me names, throwing things at me; for all the things that i forced out of my head...
for those things, the only thing that i felt i had to get back at you, the only thing that i knew effected you and pissed you off, was my grades.
and so what did i do?
as a 13 year old boy.
the only thing i could think of.
i stopped doing my homework.
i always went to school.
i wanted to learn.
when it came to testing i was the best in my class.
and yet i failed out of school just to make you mad, just to get back at you for the way you made me feel.
and now...
i can already feel it haunting me.
i regret everything in my highschool career.
but i can also realize that it was my fault.
it wasnt yours.
its not your fault you are a shitty father.
its not your fault your father was a shitty father.
but it is your fault for not supporting me.
and so everything i do in life will be to spite you.
whether i fail or not it will be because i tried and failed of my own accord and i will know that you had nothing to do with it.

we must live with our own regrets.
can you live with yours?